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We Choose Pretty Names

by Kermes

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1.
i lost control on the outside. i found something - i found my sense of abandon. running in the red, invariant instead. always in excess, all gone to my head – even if you don’t feel the same way as i do now. i wanna be yr sometimes. i remember you said - i remember you warned me not to. i remember you said: “this only goes one way, and it never ends well”. but this is how i tried, inevitably failed to resurrect emotions that were better left dead. i remember you said "i could never love you". i wanna be yr sometimes.
2.
my love looks empty on you - do you expect me not to? my love is wasted on trying to keep you out of yr shell. holy roman empire, i take my fill of this. set me on my funeral pyre. bring on the diet. finally tired. “here i stand, i can do no other”. hold me like you’d always do. hold me like i wanted you. when you tell me that i’m too obsessive, well, how am I supposed to react? i’m just expressing the vulnerabilities that i always seek. the statement of intent that we both need. the curtain call for talking about the way we are. well, i never wanted closure, but here we are. “here i stand, i can do no other”. hold me like you’d always do. hold me like i wanted you. oh, how long have I been this numb? oh, oh, learning how to feel all over again. “here i stand, i can do no other”. hold me like you’d always do. hold me like i wanted you. i’m so tired of wanting you. the words are the same but the meaning’s always new.
3.
staring me down, tearing me out, the only way to teach them’s from the inside out. and now i’m switching pavements every time i hear feet. they tell me gender’s simple but it isn’t for me. and maybe for you, yr exploring too? are you breaking down the structures that you thought you knew? i tell myself we’ll get where we’re supposed to be, but how we’ll even get there is a mystery. you put me right inside of you and now i’m talking like i know what to do. nobody’s fool. are there performative rites that you were denied? does the lipstick always smudge, always run at the side? yeah, we were never simple, baby, you and me, and we could never see the wood for the trees. and i never knew that the actual truth is smothered and unclear, and it’s more than “two”. i hope that we can get where we’re supposed to be. i hope that i can get where i’m supposed to be. you put me right inside of you and now i’m talking like i know what to do. nobody’s fool. and everybody’s watching me now, hoping i can show them how. and everybody’s watching this. show you what they make of it. hope it doesn’t scare you back in. you put me right inside of you and now i’m talking like i know what to do - nobody’s fool.
4.
they will come in our homes and make us real, make us flesh, tell us to burn, give us to death. but we are bigger than flesh and unafraid of death. we are two points of light, we are real, and we’re here, and we’re right. we’re casting the creatures. unteaching the teachers. i am telling you this (through the teeth of yr kiss, through the words in yr mouth and the memories missed) - “put it to rest”. and maybe it’s hypocritical, but the words don’t seem to rise and fall - can you put up a fight? are you ready? are you steady? are you mine? we’re casting the creatures. unteaching the teachers. you weren’t the only one who backed out on their knees. vision blurring to none, you weren’t the only one who meant something to me. they don't know us now, they don't know us anymore. they don't know the way we score, the way we make ourselves more. we’re casting the creatures. unteaching the teachers. you weren’t the only one who gave up on their dreams. vision void and null, you weren’t the only one who bent meaning to me.
5.
Questioning 04:26
questioning everything i’ve said in the heat of the moment. a life lived unfulfilled. truths we weren’t built to kill, and we hold the world to blame. let’s drive into the sunset. keep a hold on all yr questions for now. i’ve got one too many regrets, let’s just drive into the sunset. keep a hold on all yr questions for now. i’m running out of energy, always fighting my body, always chasing these images and holding myself to blame. let’s drive into the sunset. keep a hold on all yr questions for now. i’ve got one too many regrets, let’s just drive into the sunset. keep a hold on all yr questions for now. an ocean that you cannot cross. an expanse that fills us up. a hole in the land that will separate. let’s just drive into the sunset. keep a hold on all yr questions for now.
6.
Boyfriend 02:55
certain kinds of light bring it out. even now, i'm changing form in front of you. the youth I thought i could have had. my teenaged years in sepia view. you could be my boyfriend again, or maybe for the first time. two lovers in 3/4 time. but i don’t want a lover, i just need a line.
7.
i am gold. from my good intentions, oh, how i wanted to be more. how i wanted something raw. from the poison words you dealt, to the broken skulls you held - as first impressions go, it’s good. you wanna be an idol? you wanna be an icon? you wanna hold the candle? you wanna hold yr hand up? you wanna be a waster? you wanna be a chaser? you wanna be a difference? well here’s one for the girls. protecting what yr worth when it’s time to play yr hand. when the evening’s wearing on, and the droning doesn’t stop, and it’s time to shut him up. and it’s really time to go, but the words he says are stone, and the weight just fills you up. but we depend on something more - our demands are blood and gore, and his flesh won’t sustain you! you wanna be an idol? you wanna be an icon? you wanna hold the candle? you wanna hold yr hand up? you wanna be a waster? you wanna be a chaser? you wanna be a difference? well here’s one for the girls. protecting what yr worth when it’s time to play yr hand. when the evening’s wearing on, and the droning doesn’t stop, and it’s time to shut him up. (yr on yr own). (yr holding on).
8.
i’m a mess, and i’ll cut off my arms and legs to see you cut the figure when you undress, and hold me in that unassuming gaze you have. and tell me all the sweet things, tell me all the good news, tell me why you seem to care? i’m half the person you are, i could swear. 'cos it’s a process i don’t understand, i fall apart like wet cement when i touch yr hand. but what if yr not ready for love? i need someone to hold me down, and make me less ashamed of my shape, my weight, my body hair, and tell me that i’m kind, and normal, and good. but i know that’s controlling. and i’m the one who needs to fix myself before anybody can reasonably be expected to take care of me. 'cos it’s a process i don’t understand, i fall apart like wet cement when i touch yr hand. but what if yr not ready for love? and even now, i catch myself speaking for you. and even now, i’m trying to bleed meaning from those pregnant pauses, as if i could fill yr shoes. and i could never be that girl for you. 'cos it’s a process i don’t understand, i fall apart like wet cement when i touch yr hand. so what if i'm not ready for love?
9.
was it blue, or crimson, or gold? the intricacies of something left untold and left unsaid. i am walking in the half light. i am waking under ice. but this is all faked - i imagine the sensation of an arm exposed to the night, dangling from my covers and tangling in my life. you want to look at me, you say visibility helps (as long as i don't speak, or react, or defend myself). you wanna look? look good! i want you to drown inside of me! just another version of an improbable body. i want to be vile, slouch out of my skin. cicada/moth/butterfly, life cycles rearranged. i want to be vile, slouch out of my skin. i want to be vile, slouch out of my skin. cicada/moth/butterfly, life cycles rearranged. i want to be vile, but we choose pretty names. meet me in the mountain, or in yr parents’ car. we escaped from suburbia and now we’re falling apart. (i want to be vile, slouch out of my skin. cicada, moth, butterfly, life cycles rearranged.) we choose pretty names. we choose pretty hearts.
10.
Yr Beast 03:26
and i wasn’t raised, i was dragged out the quagmire. i was the beast of yr cisgender pain. and i am not sorry for the state of my body. i’ll never be sorry for that. keeping yr tabs on the movements i make. watching the corner of yr eyes dull. a fragile wish to be held accountable, but i’m not the one, until gone is the son. it’s all been erased, so we make our own history. cos yr queer and yr visible, and yr life now means more to all of these people, who would take you and break you up into pieces when you step out of line; when you stop. and i wasn’t raised, i was dragged out the quagmire. i was the beast of yr cisgender pain. and i am not sorry for the state of my body. i’ll never be sorry again. what kind of myths will you construct to deal with this? what kind of lies have you told yrself? do you still see me as something lumbering into view? slouching out of the blue. i don’t have to take this from you. you cannot break this. and i wasn’t raised, i was dragged out the quagmire. i was the beast of yr cisgender pain. and i am not sorry for the state of my body. i’ll never be sorry again. and i wasn’t raised, i was dragged out the quagmire. i was yr beast. and i am not sorry for the state of my body, and there are some things you can’t change.

about

“By turns outraged and outrageous, We Choose Pretty Names is an empowering debut of fearsome intelligence and attitude”
- Kerrang!

credits

released April 13, 2018

songs by Emily Rose Teece

Emily Rose Teece - vocals, guitars, synthesiser, glockenspiel
Dani Charlton - bass guitar, vocals
Jordy Delaney - drums, percussion, vocals
Tom Trigg - guitars, vocals

Recorded May-July 2017 at Seamus Wong Studios, Soft Touch & KCR, Leicester
Mastered by Tom Woodhead @ Hippocratic Mastering
Artwork by Daniel Murphy @ 5pt5 Panoramic

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